A wedding does not make a Marriage, and a Marriage does not make a Relationship.
Yet it is the relationship that matters most.
Within a developing relationship the man and woman need to talk over the important elements of their relationship. These may not surface immediately or all at once. But in time these matters will need to be aired and dealt with if the two are, and wish to remain, serious about each other.
There are necessary elements to a good and lasting relationship. In the Trade these are known as the Ph factors.
Phinance : work out attitudes towards money, priorities for money, handling of money matters.
Phamily : children – how many , when ? A recognition that the responsibility for the children is a dual one, even where one parent may have more responsibility than the other.
Physex : a relationship is more than physical, but the physical is important, plays an important role in togetherness , especially in the early years.
Phuny : a sense of humour – the ability to laugh with each other, even at each other so long as this is without malice.
For a good relationship, there needs to be INCOMEPATABILITY. He must have the income, she the pat-ability.
Overall of this , Trust.
The ages of the couple in a relationship of any depth is a relevant issue but there are no hard and fast rules even here. A good and sound relationship can develop whatever the ages of the individuals. If there is a wide age gap then it will be necessary for each of them to recognise in advance that as years pass there will arise differences between them – not that those differences need cause division, but in order to recognise adjustments have to be made.
The relational bond between two people is foundational to all else. Get that relationship right and no matter what else life may bring them, life and living will remain stable. The recipe is simple – Love each other, in all its facets, Look after each other, in all the variety of ways available, and grow old together.
There are cultures and societies and communities who do not accept, or who are reluctant to accept, a couple who are in a relationship, but who have not gone through what are regarded by that grouping as the norms leading up to a co-habiting relationship.
There are stages into a relationship – Boy/girl friend, engagement, marriage. These stages may be long or short, but they will be obvious and visible, and can be an indication of suitability one to the other. Once that suitability has been established between the couple, then that relationship will evolve naturally, and maybe marriage will follow.
Even where and when a couple have passed through those stages, their relationship may break down. A relationship is not an exact science. That which builds and holds a relationship is intangible. It involves commitment, and mutual feeling for and empathy towards the other.
There is balance between the couple, taking cognisance of their mutual trinity of being – body, mind , spirit. Body, Intellect , Emotion.
Martin & Shirlie Kemp were on BBC Breakfast Show on Thursday 21st November – married 42 years…
Martin fell in love with Shirlie when he first saw her on TV. Shirlie first saw Martin in a magazine photograph. They met by accident when they both went to a theatre show independently and were introduced by friends after the show.
They have just made their first album together having never done anything professionally – even though both of them are singers. The album ‘In the swing of it’ is comprised of romantic songs that are so much easier to sing when they have the relationship they have shared for so long.
Perceptions & Pictures 